He played the same song he’s played a thousand times, he told me the story I already knew about the first time he heard it. The lyrics “what are you looking for” played over and over again as I remembered the exact time and place where I first heard it, and heard that story. He turned to me and said, “What are you looking for, Vic?”
What am I looking for? I have no idea. Should I know that? Is 23 the age when I should have a guided focus on something? I don’t even know what that something should be…should I know that?! It appears I don’t know what I’m looking for. But…I think that’s ok.
Looking for something, to me, implies I don’t have enough of what is already in my life. As a human race, I believe that is something we seriously struggle with. We are always searching for the next thing. Whether it be a better job, a new place to live, the newest iPhone on the market, or a new relationship: we are constantly searching. What happens when we stop looking for something? Life happens!
How many times have I bitched and moaned to my best friends, my sister, or to my parents about being lonely and just wanting to “find someone”, and how many times have I heard “It happens when you stop looking!” Cue eye roll. So cliché, y’all. But, there is some serious truth in that. Looking for something means your focus, your attention, and your energy are all pointed in one direction. How much are we missing out on if we’re only looking in one direction? We put blinders on, we push ourselves so fucking hard to find whatever it is that we feel like we’re supposed to have. That’s bullshit. The world we live in has an incredible amount of things to give us, why look for anything when we’re being given things left & right? First of all, the world is HUGE. If you truly feel there is nothing fulfilling you where you are and you have exhausted your resources trying to make yourself happy- MOVE. Walk the earth, travel, learn, tell your story, open your mind and accept what the world has to give you. It could be so simple. Stop looking. Open your mind. Receive.
I am so guilty of looking. I am that girl that becomes disgustingly co-dependent and I pull at straws trying to make something out of nothing. In basically every aspect of my life. What a waste of energy. Whatever my plan is, whatever God’s purpose for me is on this earth, I truly don’t believe I am going to find it. I think it is going to be given to me when I stop looking.
When you were little and you decided you desperately had to find that one toy you hadn’t played with in months and you whined to your parents, begging them to help you look- what did they tell you? “It’s always in the last place you look!” Overall- dumb saying. It’s obviously going to be in the last place you look, because why would you keep looking after you found it..? Enjoy what you have. Take care of yourself, take care of the relationships you already have in your life, focus your energy on the positivity and the blessings you already have. The rest will find you. Stop looking.